


Someone Was Willing To Hurt You

by still_lycoris



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Betrayal, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 10:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19227529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: In a world where the Wendigos didn't exist, Chris talks to Josh about his "prank" and the aftermath.





	Someone Was Willing To Hurt You

Weirdly, it was Emily who said he should go and talk to Josh.

“You’ve got to get it done,” she said briskly. “Either let him know he’s fucking dead to you – which he should because did I mention fuck him? – or that you’re thinking that you’re a massive sap and can forgive him. Then you’ll know where you stand and you can stop moping.”

Chris wanted to say that he wasn’t _moping_ , just thinking really hard but he knew that Emily would just roll her eyes and tell him that he was an idiot. Which was actually a tiny bit soothing, in a way. Sam wanted him to talk about how he felt a lot and the problem was that Chris didn’t _know_ how he felt so it wasn’t like he could do that very well. Mike just kept saying that Josh had fucked them over and Jess just got mad and Matt just looked awkward and muttered that they _had_ fucked up which was fine for _them_ except Chris kind of _hadn’t_ fucked up which was one of the things that made the whole thing so confusing.

Ashley wasn’t talking to him at all. Which meant that he had no real best friends left.

Maybe Emily was right and he should try this.

He’d been to Josh’s house like, a million times over the years since they’d become friends. He remembered when he was young and everything had seemed so big. He remembered getting bigger and thinking it all _still_ seemed so big. It wasn’t like his parents were poor or anything but nobody was as rich as the Washingtons.

He’d always thought that it was something that made their lives better, being that rich. Now he wasn’t so sure.

The housekeeper let him in and sent him straight up. She gave him a kind of look as she did it and Chris had a feeling that she’d be hovering close by, ready to burst in if he started punching Josh in the face. He wondered where Josh’s parents were. After all this, they _still_ weren’t around? Chris’s parents had hardly let him out of their sight in the past few weeks. He had practically had to agree to putting a tracker on his phone before they’d let him leave the house. And Josh’s weren’t even looking to see who was visiting their son.

“Hey Co – Chris.”

Josh looked okay really. The same. It didn’t seem like he should look the same. Everything was different. It felt like everything should _look_ different only it didn’t. The room was the same. Chris had been here a million times, a million sleepovers, he knew it by heart and nothing had changed. Josh was the same too, nearly. Nearly.

“Hey,” he said, knowing he sounded awkward. “Um. How are you?”

“I’m okay,” Josh said. He wasn’t quite looking at Chris as he spoke, more looking over him at the wall behind. “They’ve got me on new meds and they’re working. Well. You know.”

Chris didn’t think that he did know so he decided not to say anything. He still couldn’t quite believe Josh had kept this much secret from him. He’d known that Josh got sick sometimes, known Josh took pills for it but Josh had always laughed it off, been casual and Chris had just accepted it, like he’d accepted everything else. He’d known that after Beth and Hannah had disappeared, Josh had really freaked out and been sent ... somewhere. But he hadn’t known where. He hadn’t known _why_. Not properly. And Josh hadn’t wanted to tell him and so Chris had accepted that too. Josh was his best friend. Josh wouldn’t ever keep anything serious from him. Right? They trusted each other. Josh would never let him down and he knew Chris would never let him down so they didn’t need to say everything out-loud. That was how it was. Or how Chris had thought it was.

“How ... how are the others?” Josh asked.

“Oh, you know. Great.”

He knew that he didn’t sound like he meant it and he could see that Josh knew it too. It was like being back last year, when everyone was being weird with each other and nobody quite knew what to do or say and Chris had been stuck in the middle, trying to tell Josh that everyone was really, really fucking sorry and they wanted to say it to his face but Josh wasn’t letting them. Which now, when he looked back on it, he wished he hadn’t done so much. Why should Josh let them talk to his face? Josh had been hurt and mad and his sisters had died. Why would he want to see anybody ever again?

Except then Josh had said he _had_ wanted that. Started talking to everybody again, even Mike and Jessica. Okay, he’d been a bit off sometimes but mostly, he’d been himself. He’d said that he just wanted to move on, move past it, get everybody together again as friends. And it had been a lie. It had all been a lie. Josh had lied.

“Nobody’s really talking to me,” Josh mumbled. “Doctor Hill said I should ... expect that.”

“I mean, _yeah_ ,” Chris blurted out. “You fucked up, man! Big time! You made us think we were being _stalked!_ You made _me_ think – ”

He stopped talking. He really didn’t want to talk about that. If he didn’t talk about it, it wasn’t really real. He hadn’t watched Josh get cut in half, sliced up, all the guts coming out. He _hadn’t_ seen that. He’d seen a fake Josh die, that was all. Josh was right here, in front of him.

“Why’d you do that to me, man?” he asked and he was really embarrassed to hear that he sounded almost like he was going to cry. Fuck, this had been a mistake. He should have stayed at home, refused to talk, just pushed it all away..

Except he was still having nightmares about the blood and the fear so pushing it all away wasn’t really working.

“I didn’t ... I wanted to ... ” Josh started, stopped, started again. “I was so _mad_. They’re _dead_ , Chris. My sisters, they’re not coming back. We’re all supposed to be friends, have a good time. And they’re _dead_ and I couldn’t save them or do anything and ... I guess I kind of felt ... like you should have been able to do something. Because you’re my best friend.”

“How the fuck is that even fair?!”

“I didn’t say it was fair, it was just how I felt! I didn’t ... and then I was thinking all the time, about what to do about it and I got this idea and it ... seemed great at the time and I thought that you ... I mean, you had to be part of it, it was only fair and then I realised I could kill two birds with one stone, get you and Ashley to finally hook up – ” 

Chris couldn’t help laughing at that, only the laugh came out all sour. Josh hunched right over, like he expected to get punched. His fingers knotted together.

“I didn’t think you’d ... I mean, I thought ... ”

Chris didn’t say anything. He felt sick inside. He should have shot himself with the fake gun. He should have shot himself and not Ashley. He felt like he’d let Josh down by fucking up like that, even though that was stupid because Josh’s plan had been crazy and stupid and didn’t deserve to have worked. He felt he’d let _himself_ down. But he’d been so _scared_ , he hadn’t wanted to die and Ashley had said all that stuff about it being her turn and he’d got it all wrong somehow and now she hated him and he couldn’t blame her for it because who the hell wanted to be friends with someone who had shot them in the face, even if it hadn’t worked?

“I’m really sorry,” Josh mumbled. “I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to fuck it up so bad.”

“But you did,” Chris said. “You fucked it up. You fucked _us_ up. You made me think I’d fucking _killed_ you. You’re my ... my best friend and I ... ”

He choked on the words. Josh still wasn’t looking at him. He was practically curled up in a ball, at least as much as you could curl into a ball when you were sitting down. His hair was a bit longer than it had been and it was drooping over his face. Behind him, there was a photograph of him and the twins. Chris tried not to look at it.

“You know Emily and Matt could have died climbing up that mountain, right?” he said instead. “Did you not realise we’d want to call for help when we thought someone wanted us _dead?_ Jess and Mike could have died too, they fell in that stupid mine because you banished them off to some cabin where you hadn’t even checked the path was safe. Did you know Sam’s having nightmares? She keeps remembering you stalking her in the dark. You were supposed to be her friend too. She said she thought you really were close to her.”

“I was. I ... she could have ... done more.”

“No, she fucking couldn't! Stop it, Josh! Just stop trying to, to explain it when you can't! Sam was Hannah's best friend! She didn't want that stupid prank to happen! And none of the others wanted Hannah and Beth to get hurt! It's, it's fine if you can't forgive them but why couldn’t you just have said that? Why’d you have to make everything _worse?_ ”

“See, I guess that's the thing,” Josh said and he looked up and _smiled_ , a miserable little smile but still a smile. “It can't be worse, Chris. Not for me. It couldn't ever be worse.”

Chris didn't know what to say. Because he could _see_ it, that was the worst thing really. He could see that Josh was all torn up, that Josh was broken and miserable and hating everything and he didn't know what to do. And Chris didn't know what to do either, he never had. He'd always wanted everything to be okay, everything to be all right and when he'd thought Josh was getting there, he'd been so excited and hopeful and thought that things were all right, that they'd all go back to normal and how, how could he have been so stupid, so idiotic?

He was supposed to be the smart one and he hadn't been. He hadn't been at all.

“You … are you ever going to … to …?”

Josh didn't finish the sentence. Chris was glad. He had a feeling Josh wanted to know if Chris could forgive him. If they could go back to being Josh and Cochise, best friends against the world, playing computer games and messing around and laughing, having fun. Doing their secret handshake, write notes in their secret code (even though they both knew that they were far too old for it, it was their thing and they loved their things.)

How could Chris let it all go?

And yet how could he hold onto it?

Emily had said there were two choices; forgive or stay angry. Chris wasn't sure she was right. There seemed to be a grey shade of everything in-between that. He wanted to forgive but he was angry, so angry and what was he supposed to do with that?

Maybe the very fact that he wasn’t sure how to forgive Josh for the betrayal meant that he _should_ forgive him. After all, hadn't that been exactly how Josh had felt about the others? Hadn't Josh been just as betrayed as Chris now was? He’d been through all of this already, only with the added grief of actually losing people he loved in the bargain. Ashley might hate Chris now but she was still alive. Still out there, safe and okay. Hannah and Beth ... they were gone. They weren’t coming back.

How did you even start to fix any of it?

“I've got to go,” he said thickly.

“Okay,” Josh mumbled. “I'll see you … or, I mean, will I?”

Chris didn’t say anything to that. After all this, he still didn’t know what to say. When he’d been little, he’d thought there were easy answers. He’d kinda still thought that, even though he was grown up now. You could Google it, you could make an app, you could always find something that made sense and you had your answer.

But it wasn’t like that. He didn’t have the answer. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what any of the others should do either. He _really_ didn’t know what Josh should do.

He wanted to forgive him. He did.

But as he left the house, he knew that some things were not so easy to do and some things were not so easy to fix.


End file.
